Individuation of Womanhood is Liberation from Patriarchy
Decentering men is the healing individuation of womanhood from patriarchal narcissistic abuse
We can understand women’s growing rejection of misogyny and male apathy as the healing process of individuation following narcissistic abuse.
Individuation is the normal process of separating self and self concept from family and becoming an independent adult. This process becomes stunted within narcissistic family groups or relationships as the person is encouraged to orbit the narcissist and never truly become whole as a separate entity.
The linked article above, by Karyl McBride Ph.D., gives an overview of individuation, but I want to highlight this quote for our understanding:
According to family therapist Murray Bowen, “An adult can regard him or herself to be further along with the individuation process the more they (1) are less emotional reactive to the family or relationship dynamics, (2) become more objective in observing the family or relationship dynamics, (3) become aware of the myths, images, distortions, and triangles they have been blind to.” (Family Therapy in Clinical Practice, 1978)
These same benchmarks apply to a woman’s journey to decenter men - the less emotionally reactive we are to their antics, the more objective we are in observing male behavior and rhetoric, and the more aware we are of patriarchal myths being weaponized against us in media and relationships, the greater our progress on this journey.
Feminism is the Individuation of Womanhood
We’re seeing women collectively embarking on this journey of feminine individuation from the narcissistic dynamics and myths of patriarchal standards and practices.
The spectrum of feminist movements around decentering men and 4B refusal to participate in romance, marriage, and family rearing with men are expressions of women reclaiming feminine sovereignty and disowning patriarchal myths and belief systems that only value a woman by the subsidizing welfare a man can extract from her presence, knowledge, care, and labor.
These movements are a spectrum - some women are wholeheartedly rejecting men across the board, while others are learning how to center their own goals, vision, joy, and internal structures of self-validation first, foremost and unequivocally while maintaining relationships with men - romantic or otherwise.
It is the feminine restoration of valuing that will no longer sacrifice, demean, or disrespect self to please or subsidize a man or patriarchal perspective. It is the awakening and empowerment that will no longer tolerate or participate in patriarchal extraction to comfort and enable the narcissism and welfare of male supremacy.
Remember that the birthing bed is more bloody, dangerous, and unknowable than any battlefield
It is the individuation of womanhood that no longer validates self from the male perspective. That no longer bows before masculinity as some supposed higher authority, recognizing that its veneer of eminence is really subsidized by the subjugation of femininity and womanhood.
It is a journey. Sometimes these movements seem to crop up quickly - but every single woman walking these paths knows that these major shifts are the culmination of years of experience, processing, and development. We’re on the path with many battles ahead - don’t get me wrong.
But to every woman doing to work to dismantle the internalized male gaze and tyranny of perspective that has colonized our beings from birth and taught us to co-create our own subjugation to manage men and avoid worse or more violent consequences from them - YOU ARE CHANGING THE WORLD AND I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOU AND I BELIEVE IN YOU, SISTER-FRIEND.
It doesn’t matter where you are on this path - whether you feel like you’re just embarking or stuck in endless processing, clawing at your own mind and heart to try to force yourself to feel differently - to feel less grief, to feel more girl boss satisfaction in your own accomplishments and progress, to feel something else - you are doing the work to heal self and a hundred generations of women who walked this Earth before you.
These are paradigm shifting, world changing processes - it’s chaotic and uncharted territory. And you are on the front lines with your own self.
How fucking hardcore is that?
I applaud you and I thank you. Thank you for embarking. Thank you for continuing. THANK YOU for doing this messy gestation of a new order that begins with the rebirthing of self and self concept.
Remember that the birthing bed is more bloody, dangerous, and unknowable than any battlefield. Remember that the co-creating you are engaging with is COSMIC and HUMAN - the confounding duality of spirit embodied in flesh.
Your ability to transform and navigate these times of upheaval and strife is nothing short of a miracle. Miracles birthed by you, by me, by us. I thank you.
Patriarchal Response to Womanhood’s Individuation
From this lens, the male loneliness epidemic and rightwing radicalization of men - especially Gen Z men (18 - 29 years old) - can be understood as a retreat into authoritarian identity politics to avoid and dismiss the collapse of old systems and standards that can no longer functionally support the weight of its own excess and exploitation.
As women remove themselves from equations of male supremacy, the consumption of superiority and welfare collapses. This leaves men who refuse to initiate their own growth alone with their own selves. Unanswered mandates to mature is the root of their loneliness.
The denial of welfare and fantasies seems cruel and oppressive, so these men are gathering online in mutual self-pity and raging disinformation throughout rightwing influencer echo chambers.
Put another way, the purpose of rightwing radicalization is the restoration of unmitigated male welfare across all realms of society.
A narcissist who is cut off from fuel - from feeding on the attention, energy, and submission of others - loses their own way and sense of reality. They respond with sabotage, violence, and despondent pleas to restore their siphoning. Crippled from welfare, they are unable or unwilling to build independent strength and direction. That is their choice alone.
Put another way, the purpose of rightwing radicalization is the restoration of unmitigated male welfare across all realms of society. The welfare that promises every man - no matter his choices, conduct, or abilities - the entitlement to feel superior to women. The welfare to experience this fantasy by extracting basic needs and pleasure from women without recourse or being held to any standard of character, integrity, skill, or contribution himself.
This male fantasy birthright of innate superiority is the narcissism of patriarchy - the narcissism that restrains men into a performance of masculinity as consumption and false concept of stoicism as the repression of self and feeling, not the capacity to rise above the dictates and impulses of raw emotionality in perception and action.
Do not cry for these fools - just detach and protect yourself from their volatile breakdowns as they continue to be denied welfare from womanhood.
The ironic part of this false stoicism is that it is an utter lie - these men are consumed by their raw emotionality, fear, and desperation to be soothed. Their desperation makes them hate their own selves so viciously that they cannot contain it and seek to scapegoat and abuse girls and women for their self chosen patriarchal imprisonment.
To be clear, men can change this - but it takes work and they actively prefer the patriarchal path of least resistance - assuming a woman will come to take care of them, make a life for him, and perform to make him feel like a man without doing the work to become one.
Do not cry for these fools - just detach and protect yourself from their volatile breakdowns as they continue to be denied welfare from womanhood.
Take Away
Decentering men is an expression of maturity that I implore every woman to embrace. In our next post, we’re going to explore Erich Fromm’s 1957 essay The Authoritarian Personality through the lens of patriarchal dynamics.
This essay is EXCELLENT and a great lens of objectivity to adopt when observing any social/political power dynamics within individuals and movements.
This perspective shift really helped me to decenter my own emotional longing and grief when perceiving men. I was prone to projecting naïve desires onto men’s behaviors to excuse, justify, and explain away how they were choosing to treat me because I wanted their connection and affection more than I wanted to build myself up independently.
That mindset caused me immense pain and caused me real material and psychological harm that took a lot of time and intention to heal. The work of healing and evolving beyond fantasies of experiencing love as purpose and validating my own sense of worth by how a man valued and benefitted from me has been the most challenging and rewarding work of my life.
I would not have the confidence and drive to write to you here - my absolute dream - if I didn’t go through that evolution.
Now, more than ever, it’s critical that we do this challenging development internally and together. The revolution is coming - I have no doubt.
When I say revolution, I do literally mean it.
Class consciousness is rising (thanks Luigi!!!!!), feminine consciousness is rising, anti-racist consciousness is rising.
Our economic and political systems are functioning as they were designed to and as we collectively realize that the suffering, poverty, and powerlessness we experience is the INTENDED outcome, we understand that tearing them all down is the only path forward.
I don’t pretend to know what will happen. I do believe that it will take time, but the inescapable unfolding of revolution has begun. With that in mind, I’m laying the foundations to share my prep for revolution moving forward.
The number one thing I believe I can offer is perspective and pattern recognition - so I’m going to post more consistently here and on YouTube. I’m also planning my personal prep to share as lifestyle content (LOLZ GRWM for the REVOLUTION!!!!!).
Seriously though - I’m putting together my plan to quit smoking (cigarettes are terrible never start, it’s hard to stop), to develop greater physical strength and stamina, and to share patterns and histories from previous revolutions. I hope you’ll join me on this journey - because a new world is possible and it is required.
We are capable of building it together - and I’m excited to do so with you.
ALL MY LOVE xoxo, Coco
YouTube - Power Culture Coco on YouTube
Tik Tok and IG CocoHasIdeas
